Sunday, January 27, 2013


The girls have been going to school for three weeks now.  They cried the first three days when I dropped them off.  After the third day, they were still sad, but didn't cry when we dropped them off.

Ian does drop offs now and says they are good when they go, no tears, they give him kisses and hugs, and say I love you.  When I pick them up, they are so happy to see me, they come running into my arms.  They always turn and say, "bye friends, I love you, see you tomorrow."  They have a favorite teacher that they hug every day before we leave.  She just adores them too, we really love her!

I had a couple tears those first two weeks, I was upset for not continuing to stay at home with them, but they are so happy there!  I have snuck in a couple times to watch without them seeing me and they are full of smiles.  They are very quiet there though, they don't talk as much, but the teacher says they are the sweetest, most well behaved, and extremely polite kids she has ever met.  That made me feel so good, like I did do something right!

I have also realized that I was being to hard on myself.  they need this, they need to get more comfortable being around other kids.  They are so used to just playing with each other.  I broke down the other morning for the first time since I accepted the job back in December.  Harly was standing in the living room.  I looked at her and could see the tears forming in her sweet brown eyes.  I asked her what was wrong, she looked at me and turned her head like she was embarrassed for crying.  I told her to come to me and held my arms out.  She came running in to them, her lower lip pouting, and tears streaming down.  I held her and we cried, it hurt my heart so bad my chest was tightening.  She looked up at me and said, I love you mommy, you pick me up after nap.  I looked at her and said yes, mommy always comes back to get you.  That was it, tears gone, kisses and hugs.  I feel good about my decision because they are at the age where they can tell me about their day.  They love to talk about their day, they like to feel important now and I love it.  They also tell me everything bad that has happened that day.  There have been a couple times where they have come home and said mommy so and so hit me today, or mommy so and so stepped on my toe.  I always ask them what the outcome was.  They tell me so and so had to apologize and sit in time out.  So I know this was a good age to start them since they can vocalize and tell me.  That makes this experience a little easier.

After these three weeks, I feel that my children appreciate me so much more.  They were definitely getting bored with me at home.  Now they are so happy all the time, cuddling with us so much, always giving us kisses and hugs and they say I love you about a million times a day.  I love them so much.  I never thought I could love someone as much as I love them, and I feel like it is a thousand times more since we started school and work.  It makes you appreciate life, your spouse and children so much more.  It takes all your feelings, and emotions to a whole new level.

This has been an experience, both happy and sad, but in the end everyone is happy and that is all that matters!

Girls:  when you read this, know that in the end this was the best decision for all of us.  I want to be able to be a part of all your school activities, sports, and your life in general!  Know that yes, those two or three days at school are not what we wanted but you both love it, and we love it and love the two teachers who take awesome care of you.  You two are so busy all day playing in the indoor playground that has the big slide, playing dress up, camping, learning about colors and letters, learning about Jesus, arts and crafts, and story time.  You are so busy, you probably don't even realize I am not there!  All I want is the best for you both.  I also want you to be comfortable without me.  you are going to kindergarden in 2 1/2 years and I want you two to be comfortable around children, and to learn to socialize more.  This is the time to start and I know you are getting that experience!  Mommy and daddy are always here for you!  I love you baby girls more than words could ever tell you!

Grown up job!

I made a life changing decision last month.  A decision that affected our little family.  I was offered an amazing opportunity to be a nurse on a labor and delivery floor.  You don't get this opportunity in my field very much,  so yes I jumped on it.  Toughest decision I have had to make since having children.

I have been a part of both perspectives: the stay at home mom and the working mom.  Both of them are extremely hard jobs.  No one has any right saying the stay at home moms have it easier.  That is not true, advice to those of you who say this: do it and then make a comment.  Vice versa: if you are a stay at home mom and are making comments, go to work for a week and tell me how easy it is then.  Both perspectives are tough, it is tough raising children.  It is enjoyable and rewarding, but it is hard work no matter what you do.

We never planned for me to go back to work til our children were all in school.  So it was toughest on my husband.  He understands why I needed to do this and supports me, but I know he is worried about me!

I didn't want to go back and be stuck in an area that I don't want to work in.  I don't do well with change, so if I took a job in the area I didn't want, I wouldn't change and would probably stay there forever.  I have been watching the postings for the past three years.  They are hard to come by in the two areas that I wanted to work in.  Back in November, there was a posting.  I applied just to get an interview and practice.  Well in the end I fell in love with it and accepted the position.

Everyone was questioning my decision from my family, husband, friends, and even my new manager.  When I started my orientation, everyone asked why I went back to work, instead of staying home.  They all looked at me liked I was crazy.  I started second guessing my decision, was I being selfish?  Was it wrong of me to place my kids in someone's else's care instead of mine?

I am not selfish at all.  I have never done anything for me.  I have always done everything for everyone else.  I knew the girls needed to socialize more.  It was just us three, they didn't really play with other kids, no one has ever been the boss of them besides Ian, me, and our parents.

My reasoning for taking this job is:  I wanted to get my foot in the door in this area.  I also wanted to get all my training out of the way.  I want to get a year under my belt so that if we have more kids, I can go PRN.  Where I work PRN is: you only have to work 16 hours a month.  I want to be able to go PRN when the girls start school and/or if we have another child.  This way I am there for them everyday, I can be a classroom mom, I can go on every field trip they take.  If there is a day where there is nothing going on I can work and be done to pick them up from school.  So in the end I am not being selfish, I am doing this so I can continue to be there for them and be involved in their lives!

I will be doing two to three days a week at night.  The girls will go to school from 7-12.  Preschool there is from 9-12 year round.  I have been there for 3 weeks now and love it!  My previous job, I used to want to throw my alarm out the window, I would get so mad when it went off.  I still gave 110% at my previous job, but I was not happy.  With my new job, I wake up before my alarm even goes off.  I am so excited to go to work.  All in all I think I made the right decision for our family!