O M Goodness! The tantrums have started in this household! I have tried many things. This is one thing I will not tolerate in my house, cause I will go insane! Some people may not like what I do, but everyone has their own views!
When the girls throw tantrums it is either because one has a toy the other one wants, they don't like what meal or snack I made them, or because they don't like what outfit or shoes I picked for them.
Like I said, these tantrums are not allowed in my house. When they start to throw a tantrum I get to their level and tell them to stop crying and tell me what they want, then give them mommy's explanation on why they can't have it, or what they did that was bad. Whether the explanation is: you have to share with sissy, this is the meal mommy made (it is usually the veggies, they are on a green bean kick right now and only want those and no other veggies!), or you need this outfit, you can't go out naked (yes, they are in the "I don't want to wear clothes stage".
A lot of moms have told me to leave the room and let them throw the tantrum, they will stop at some point. I can't do that, I have tried it and can't handle it. Especially if both of them are throwing a tantrum, I want to throw one with them.
My way works for me and the girls. It may work for you or it may not. The girls understand everything. They understand my simple explanations. It just works! A lot of people think that I am comforting them and letting them get away with it. I am not, they don't get picked up and cuddled. After it is over and done with, they listen, they wait their turn for the toy, they usually eat the meal I made them, and they put the outfit or shoes on.
Now when the girls are older and can actually communicate using words (right now they can't tell me why they are upset, only way is to cry), my technique may change. If they are throwing a tantrum for no good reason, if they did something wrong, or if they want a toy they can't have because sissy is playing with it; then they can go to their room or time-out until they calm down and can use their words.
the tantrums have been less and less everyday! YAY!!
From day 1, we have also given the girls choices. If we have an outfit that came in two different colors, the girls pick what color they want to wear. Choices have worked well in our household and we will continue to give the girls choices not just with clothing.