Saturday, February 25, 2012

Positive re-inforcement

One big parenting skill we use in our house is positive re-inforcements.  Ian and I have talked about how we will deal with not so nice behaviors.  This is one we both really wanted to use, it just fit both of us!  The girls are starting to get extremely "testie."  Lately, they have been testing every button in me, and I think it all started from when I was sick and kind of let them run the house!  We have tried to not use the word "no."  That was something we did not want them using in their vocabulary.  Well it took 21 months for them to start using it, so I will take it! 
They don't use it in a bad way though and don't fight us.  If they tell us no, we explain the reasoning at their level and than they are fine.  There is no fighting us, which is great!  It is usually when we give them choices or ask them questions.  The only time they really use it is at meal times and bed time.  If they do something they are not suppose to, we try not to say no, but tell them how to use it or do it the right way.  I feel the more I say no, the more it won't be effective when I really need to use it in dangerous situations.

I have noticed that this method works for the girls.  The rewards they get for positive things they do is through words.  Example:  They are learning to share.  When one shares a toy with her sister, I say "I like that your sharing, or thank you for sharing with sissy, good job!"  I saw them do something good, so I praise it.  I try to give them opportunities to do something good.  I ask them if they can help mommy clean the table, when they wipe it, I praise and give them a hug and kiss.

I have done a lot of research, I wanted to use something that would make the girls feel good for doing something right, to build on their self esteem.  I also wanted them to know I see it and acknowledge their good behaviors.  Plus extra hugs and kisses are great rewards!  This is also not to say that they don't get time-outs.  There are times a time out is needed in certain situations, to get their time alone and get their emotions in check. 

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